SERIOUSLY WHAT IS UP WITH THE SECOND PERIOD.

Warmups are a lie. For exactly three glorious minutes, you feel twenty-five again. The legs are moving. The hands are soft.

You roof one over the goalie's glove during warmups and immediately convince yourself, "Tonight's the night." You glide back to center ice thinking you've somehow rediscovered the player you used to be. Then the game starts. And for some reason...

The first period is five times longer than warmups. Nobody warned us about that. By the first intermission you've already had two shifts that lasted forever, chased a winger you had absolutely no chance of catching, and questioned every life decision that led to signing up for another season. But then comes the real challenge. Someone says...

"Switch ends." Why? We're indoors. There's no wind. No snow. No sun in anyone's eyes. The rink hasn't moved. The benches haven't moved. Only our already confused brains have to remember where we're going. Now your line changes are backwards. Your favorite faceoff circle is gone.

The water bottle is lost forever, seriously just go buy another one after the game.

Steve somehow ends up defending the other team's blue line because he's still trying to figure out which bench belongs to us. The wingers are crowded down on the defensive side of the bench.

Then the second period begins. This is where beer league hockey changes. The shifts get longer. Nobody admits they're tired. Everyone starts coasting "strategically."

The backcheck becomes... optional. Suddenly, thirty seconds feels like three minutes.

A minute feels like an overtime shift in the Stanley Cup Final.

Every whistle becomes an opportunity to pretend you're discussing strategy when you're really just trying to catch your breath. Someone yells,

"One more!" Nobody knows if they're talking about one more shift or one more season.

Eventually the horn sounds. You've survived another second period. Barely. And somehow...

You'll be back next week, convincing yourself that this time you'll remember to change on the correct bench. Probably.